My AuDHD Brain and Me

It’s hard to compare my AuDHD brain with other people’s, when this is all I’ve ever known.

But learning about how I function, and others too, 

Has given me a road map, so I can return home.

My Autistic brain likes structure and order.

My ADHD thrives in the chaos.

My Autistic brain likes rules and context.

My ADHD brain likes to break the rules, 

It struggles with boundaries, and sees endless possibilities.

My Autistic brain can sometimes feel like I’m missing a user manual.

My ADHD brain can often feel like having a Ferrari engine with bicycle brakes.

My Autistic brain is sensitive to touch, it struggles with handshakes and hugs,

And yet, touch is my love language.

My ADHD brain can be demand avoidant, and likes autonomy, 

But also likes the pressure of a deadline imposed by others.

My AuDHD brain feels deeply, or nothing at all.

My Autistic brain is deeply sensitive to other people’s energy,

And often struggles to identify feelings that are my own.

My Autistic brain it sensitive to sound, it can detect the hum of a fridge from a mile away.

My ADHD brain likes music festivals, and singing and ecstatic dance (go figure?).

My Autistic brain struggles with unwritten rules and social etiquette.

My ADHD brain likes to make their own rules, and rebel against the system.

My AuDHD brain cares about social justice and fairness.

And can often struggle to advocate for my own needs.

My Autistic brain likes to have a plan.

My ADHD brain leaves things until the last minute. It’s now or not now.

My Autistic brain doesn’t understand social etiquette. It struggles with unwritten rules.

My ADHD brain is rejection sensitive.

The slightest hint of rejection can be felt like a stab in the heart, and last for days or more.

My AuDHD brain is a bullshit detector, it struggles with inauthenticity in others. And yet masking has become my second nature.

My Autistic brain struggles to read between the lines.

My ADHD brain had many interests and jumps from one thing to another.

My Autistic brain has a few special interests that will keep me occupied for hours.

My ADHD brain can get a weeks work done in 2 hours.

My Autistic brain can spend days trying to understand someone else’s request.

My ADHD brain is good at joining the dots and seeing the bigger picture.

My Autistic brain loves to zoom into the detail, particularly if it is a special intterest.

My ADHD brain loves travelling around the world with a backpack.

My Autistic brain likes the comfort and familiarity of home.

My ADHD is easily bored and restless.

My Autistic brain enjoys time alone with my special interests.

My ADHD brain lives in the here and now.

My AuDHD brain often experiences the world different, it can be an incredibly lonely place to be misunderstood, or misconceived.

To try so bloody hard and still miss the cues.

To feel like an alien, from another world,

Wondering, what it would feel like to be “normal”, just for one day?

But I also love how my brain operates.

My AuDHD brain is my yin and yang.

Both a blessing and a curse.

Superpowers and super challenges.

It has brought a lot of success.

And a lot of burn out.

My Autistic and ADHD brain can sometimes cancel each other out, and keep me in balance.

Or one of them might take control of the wheel, or act out.

And when they are working together, and in the right conditions, life is joyful, ecstatic, I’m in a state of flow, 

Creative, resourceful and whole.

Full of child-like wonder, play and curiosity.

The lover, the fighter, the poet, the wizard, the innovator.

My AuDHD brain has shaped who I am today.

Why would I choose to live another way?