What is your relationship to anger?

Healthy anger is a natural emotional response that arises in situations where we feel that our boundaries have been crossed or our values have been violated. It is an important emotion that can motivate us to take action to protect ourselves or others, and to work towards positive change in our lives and in the world around us.

My relationship with anger has not been great over the years to be honest. I learned growing up that anger was a 'negative' emotion. When your experience of anger is rage and violence, it is no surprise that we contain our anger at all costs.

I was an angry teenager. I hated the world. Looking back now, it was healthy aggression. I was challenging boundaries, and questioning accepted norms that were not ok. But ultimately that anger was suppressed. And instead of expressing a need, I would often turn it inwards on myself.

I remember a conversation I had with my mother recently, when she shared that I was always angry, but it was under the surface anger. I was shocked, because I was numb to it. If you would ask most people, they would describe me as being laid back, easy going. But she was right.

Suppressing my anger came at a cost. I wasn't good at protecting my boundaries. I would put other people's needs ahead of my own. I found myself drifting through life. And when the anger did show up it spilled out as uncontrollable rage. I have the scars to prove it.

Cultivating healthy anger involves learning how to express our anger in constructive and effective ways, rather than letting it escalate into destructive or harmful behavior. Here are some tips for cultivating healthy anger:

1. Recognize and acknowledge your anger: The first step in cultivating healthy anger is to recognize and acknowledge when you are feeling angry. This can help you to avoid suppressing your emotions, which can lead to resentment and other negative emotions.

2. Practice mindfulness: Mindfulness is a practice of being present in the moment, without judgment. By practicing mindfulness regularly, you can become more aware of your emotions and learn to observe and accept them without reacting impulsively.

3. Express your anger assertively: Assertive communication involves expressing your feelings and needs in a clear and respectful manner. When expressing your anger, it is important to focus on the behavior or situation that is causing your anger, rather than attacking the person.

4. Use anger constructively: Healthy anger can be channeled into positive action, such as setting boundaries, standing up for yourself or others, and working towards social justice and positive change.

5. Practice self-care: Anger can be a stressful emotion, so it is important to practice self-care to help manage your anger. This can include activities such as exercise, meditation, spending time with loved ones, and engaging in hobbies that bring you joy.

By practicing these techniques, you can cultivate healthy anger and use it as a positive force in your life.